Well. For someone else. There was a woman that gave birth today to a baby without a heartbeat at 14 weeks. I could not imagine this happening! I am in tears as I write this for her. There is nothing worse than going into a patients room to draw blood, with a little sign on their door with teardrops on it. That means they lost their baby. Very rarely do we see this, but it gives me the most gut wrenching feeling EVER> worse than a code, and someone my age passing. I feel like I should jump in and help and talk to her, but I cannot help her situation. I am one little person on the earth, and no matter how much I would try to be positive and strong for her, I realize that I cannot make her day better, I cannot make her forget, and I cannot heal her tears. So people... This is what really sucks about my job. I have to see dying people everyday. I have to see the worst of things. I think I am going back to two days a week. I cant handle this emotional rollercoaster. You know that you are not supposed to develop a bond with the patients, but I do. I find myself way too compassionate about the patients and actually have a forever growing bond with some of them and their families! I find myself pulling my hair wondering if I should have ever gone to their funerals. I know in the end I should not have. I did go to one patients visitation... I received phone calls from his wife every now and again. I was in the hospital room when he died to help his wife get through things. I stayed up there for 3-4 hours. I just want to make people feel better. Thats my goal in life. I think I have acheived it many times. I am just waiting for my turn.
My surrogate "K" and I will probably discuss meeting in person. I absolutely love her and her family. I like to keep private about who she is just incase she does not want to be known as my surrogate. I am in the process of getting scrapbook supplies together for me and possibly her. That way we will each have our own book. This would be her first journey. I cant wait to start. I just finished revising the sample contract and will email it to her shortly to revise and make sure things are to her liking. I want both parties happy and want her to be in my childs life FOREVER>
I think we are a great match so far. I have not felt this good about anyone I talked to yet. I feel like I am rushing a little bit, but that is just my personality. I know it is right. Grandma is my ANGEL, she is looking over me and giving me the right time to start my family. Hopefully that time is NOW>
Thanks for tuning in to my installment.
Sorry also for the little negative story...Just had to get it off my chest.